Is This Real Life? On a Serious Note.

So I'm twenty seven years old. I guess I could type out the actual numbers: 27. Unsure of which one appears closer to zero. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I want to be young(er) again. As I look in the mirror at my body...my hair, my nails, my scars...even the feel of the saliva in my mouth I still am unable to comprehend just how temporary my days in this world are. One day I'm not going to be here any more. If only I could understand, If only it could get through to me. I would do things so much differently. So Lord, count this as my prayer please. I need your help right now more than ever. Teach me that its not whats outward that counts. Help me not to waste time. I believe...I really believe that the flesh is never satisfied. You've got to help my unbelief. God, Satan's lies seem so true. They are so believable. I need like never before to be revived. I sense a need for breakthrough. Help me break through God. Have you cut me off already? I feel so far away from you right now. I've given into my lust when I knew it was wrong. I'm such a wretch. I realize that you already know this, help me to realize it. I'm so easily tempted. I give in so easily. There where nobody else sees, I do wrong. It's written that you are quick to forgive, quick to throw all of my faults into the sea of forgetfulness. I am so sick of the way I am, it nauseates me to write any further. As I lay down tonight will you give me a clean heart. Please strengthen my spirit, please God. I'm in so much pain right now. If I can't be close to you, right in your arms I don't want to live. You hear my prayer, please don't give up on me, not yet. I know I can do it with your help.